Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
