and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
