Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
