This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
