i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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