GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
