Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
