Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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