dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
