Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I died a long time ago.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
