this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
