i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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