I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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