you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
