did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
