I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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