i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
