Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
