do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
