I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
