just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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