Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
