What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
