I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize