idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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