just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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