She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
