i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
