when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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