My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
