Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
