Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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