just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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