no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
