Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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