I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
