I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
