and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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