Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
