cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
