I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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