The maid of honor just puked.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He shit in the fireplace
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
