I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
