you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
