its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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