Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize