White coat. Heels.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
