yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
