btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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