when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
