i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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