we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
