After last night, I could never be a politician.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
