this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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