I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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