You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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