Your tits are I can't wait for
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
