you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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