6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
