his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
