One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.