Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
