I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
