Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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