I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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